Album Bracketology, Part Three: Canadians
In the midst of a pandemic, one man is writing an “album tournament.”
BY MATTHEW KAUFFMAN SMITH
[Note: Propeller’s editorial staff is working remotely and has ignored all messages attempting to assign an editor to Album Bracketology. As is traditional, the site will nevertheless allow Matthew Kauffman Smith to publish his double-elimination “music tournament.” His system is confusing and his taste is mediocre at best. We have asked our editorial intern to post the installments. Anyone reading beyond this point does so at their own risk.]
Dear Sheltered-in loser,
Why?
Sincerely,
Kevin, Kiev
Hi, Kiev Kev! My brother took a test his junior year in high school, and for extra credit, the teacher asked a bonus question: “Why?” Some overachieving students wrote paragraph upon paragraph describing existentialism, the meaning of life, and probably Madonna. My brother received full extra credit for his answer: “Because.” We here at Propeller do not like to overthink the obvious. We do this because we need to fill space. We do this because I’m willing to fill said space. And we do this because if we don’t bring you a double-elimination tournament to crown the 2019 album of the year four months after the year is over, then who will?
The author of this article uses variations of the phrase “We here at Propeller” so often it seems compulsive, especially since no one at Propeller reads these pieces. If anyone wants me to cut these references, just let me know. —Intern
Breaking news: Sideline reporter Alvin Bracketology has just received word that losers round 5 has just concluded and featured two significant knockouts. Sleater-Kinney and Strand of Oaks both placed in the top 16 previously. The top 64 is nothing to sneeze at but it’s a bit of a step down for both. Here is a partial reveal.
64. Drew Holcomb & the Neighbors: Dragons
63. Sleater-Kinney: The Center Won’t Hold
62. Pedro the Lion: Phoenix
61. Allen Stone: Building Balance
60. Indoor Pets: Be Content
59. Joan Shelley: Like the River Loves the Sea
58. Strand of Oaks: Eraserland
57. PINE: PINE
Should I warn readers about how bad most of these music videos are? Is there a reason we let this writer do this? —Intern
Losers round five feature a lot of Canadian carnage. Canadians produced some great albums this year and this round’s video montages will only honor Canadians, including Pine.
56. Black Belt Eagle Scout: At The Party With All My Brown Friends
55. Graveyard Club: Goodnight Paradise
54. Gabrielle Papillon: Shout
We now begin a Propeller-record run of four consecutive Canadian acts, starting with Gabrielle Papillon.
53. Orville Peck: Pony
What more can we say about Canadian cowboy Orville Peck, other than he emerged as a relative unknown in 2019, continues to hide his face in a Lone Ranger mask, and ended up selling out shows all over North America? Mr. Peck, we salute you.
The writer says, “What more can we say about…Orville Peck?” Isn’t the answer kind of…a lot? Or even just anything? Maybe I’m confused about these pieces, but I thought they were music criticism or at least music reviews of some kind. But this guy doesn’t actually write anything about the bands. The formula seems to be, “Here is a band, they are from a place, I salute them [insert video].” Am I seriously just supposed to keep posting these? —Intern
52. Haviah Mighty: 13th Floor
Breaking News: Alvin Bracketology reports that Kishi Bashi continues to roll through the losers’ bracket. The two-time runner-up lost in the first round in what Propeller deemed the greatest first-round match-up of all time, losing to Elbow. Since then, Kishi Bashi has defeated Welsh Legends the Alarm, No. 102 Ximena Sariñana, Portland female hard-rockers Blackwater Holylight, No. 68 Gallant and now No. 52 Haviah Mighty, who won the 2019 Polaris Prize that honors Canada’s top album.
51. Kaytranada: Bubba
50. Charly Bliss: Young Enough
49. Sault: 7
So, we finish with losers round 5. Mysterious band Sault—who still has an album left in the countdown—gets the nod as the top finisher of this round, but since we’re honoring only Canadians this round, we give a toast to Toronto’s Kaytranada. He released his album 2019, missing out on all of the year-end lists published in November and most of December. Advantage Propeller.
“He released his album 2019.” There have to be words missing there, but I have no idea what they are. How is it “advantage Propeller”? How is any of this “advantage Propeller” in any way at all? It just seems shameful and embarrassing and this is not what I thought I would be getting out of this internship. —Intern
48. Dylan LeBlanc: Renegade
47. The Black Tones: Cobain and Cornbread
46. Joseph: Good Luck, Kid
45. Purple Mountains: Purple Mountains
Whereas Canada was the theme of the last round, youth reigns supreme in numbers 48-33. From the upstart, Seattle, sibling duo the Black Tones to the demanding voice of Ari Lennox to pretty much everyone from everyone else in this group of 16, except Purple Mountains. David Berman, former lead singer of the Silver Jews, started new project Purple Mountains and released its own and only album in 2019. He committed suicide in August. He was 52 and we pay tribute here.
What the hell? The entire middle of that previous paragraph doesn’t make sense. It is literally English words arranged in ways that do not have meaning. There are so many more important things going on in the world, but I’m supposed to try and fix the phrase “to pretty much everyone from everyone else in this group of 16,” which is just babble. I refuse. —Intern
44. Ari Lennox: Shea Butter Baby
43. Tyler Childers: Country Squire
42. Jay Som: Anak Ko
41. Black Pumas: Black Pumas
40. Sudan Archives: Athena
39. Automatic: Signal
38. Pip Blom: Boat
There is, as always, quite a bit of variety, with some old-school country (Childers), R & B (Pumas, Lennox, Sudan Archives) and lo-fi-dance-punk Zombie lovers Automatic. But we pay tribute to Propeller’s Dutch album of the year from Pip Blom.
37. Aldous Harding; Designer
36. The Regrettes: How Do You Love?
35. Tacocat: This Mess Is a Place
34. Fontaines, D.C.: Dogrel
33. Kills Birds: Kills Birds
Kishi Bashi defeats Tacocat to keep his dream alive of becoming a three-time runner-up or a first-time champion. Tacocat, Fontanes, D. C., and the Regrettes show that punk still has a future. But to send us off we bring you another punk-influenced band that had a difficult draw but could have easily finished in the top 10. We give you L.A. band Kills Birds.
We here at Propeller are still working out the details of the album of the decade, but we can say that Kills Birds has officially to that tournament. The next installment of this year’s—well, last year’s—Album Bracketology will lead its article with another letter and we’ll get down to what could be the greatest Sweet 16 of all time. As always, you can follow the bracket at 2019 Album Bracketology.
Great. Perfect concluding paragraph. “Kills Birds has officially to that tournament” is a fantastic bit of typing random words. “The next installment of this year’s…Bracketology will lead its article with another letter.” Right, sure—the installment will lead its article. Are these pieces being dictated by a labrador retriever that wears glasses and smokes a pipe in an attempt to pretend to be a human? Are they Google-translated into three different languages, run through a blender, then Google-translated back into English, then faxed to a goat stuck in a local zoo, who looks them over and makes some changes before sending them along to me? THESE ARE LITERALLY THE ONLY EXPLANATIONS I CAN THINK OF. DO NOT SEND THESE TO ME ANYMORE. —Intern
96. The Beaches: The Professnal EP
95. Soweto Kinch: The Black Peril
94. Guster: Look Alive
93. Black midi: Schlagenheim
92. The Get Up Kids: Problems
91. Griz: Ride Waves
90. Bob Mould: Sunshine Rock
89. Billy Woods & Kenny Segal: Hiding Places
88. Control Top: Covert Contracts
87. Kap Bambino: Dust, Fierce, Forever
86. Diane Coffee: Internet Arms
85. Kate Tempest: The Book of Traps and Lessons
84. Lucy Dacus: 2019
83. The Osyx: The OSYX
82. Summer Cannibals: Can’t Tell Me No
81. Psapp: Tourists
80. Kaina: Next to the Sun
79. American Football: LP3
78. Yanissa: 15.19
77. The Ocean Blue: Kings and Queens / Knaves and Thieves
76. Anna Meredith: FIBS
75. Ladytron: Ladytron
74. Lee Fields & the Expressions: It Rains Love
73. Helado Negro: This is How You Smile
72. BBES: At the Party With My Brown Friends/Fruit Bats: Gold Past Life
71. Ariana Grande: thank u, next
70. Y La Bamba: Mujeres
69. Angel Olsen: All Mirrors
68. Gallant: Sweet Insomia
67. Bedouine: Birds Songs of a Killjoy
66. Denzel Curry: ZUU
65. Baroness: Gold & Grey
64. Drew Holcomb & the Neighbors: Dragons
63. Sleater-Kinney: The Center Won’t Hold
62. Pedro the Lion: Phoenix
61. Allen Stone: Building Balance
60. Indoor Pets: Be Content
59. Joan Shelley: Like the River Loves the Sea
58. Strand of Oaks: Eraserland
57. PINE: PINE
56. Black Belt Eagle Scout: At The Party With All My Brown Friends
55. Graveyard Club: Goodnight Paradise
54. Orville Peck: Pony
53. Gabrielle Papillon: Shout
52. Haviah Mighty: 13th Floor
51. Kaytranada: Bubba
50. Charly Bliss: Young Enough
49. Sault: 7
48. Dylan LeBlanc: Renegade
47. The Black Tones: Cobain and Cornbread
46. Joseph: Good Luck, Kid
45. Purple Mountains: Purple Mountains
44. Ari Lennox: Shea Butter Baby
43. Tyler Childers: Country Squire
42. Jay Som: Anak Ko
41. Black Pumas: Black Pumas
40. Sudan Archives: Athena
39. Automatic: Signal
38. Pip Blom: Boat
37. Aldous Harding; Designer
36. The Regrettes: How Do You Love?
35. Tacocat: This Mess Is a Place
34. Fontaines, D.C.: Dogrel
33. Kills Birds: Kills Birds
Matthew Kauffman Smith continues to do this.
