Are Times Tough, or Is it Possible You’re Just Bohemian?
Select the answers that fit you best, add up your points, and find out!
1. How do you get to work each day?
—Listen, don’t start this stuff. I’m an adult and I work hard. I drive a car. (-10)
—I sometimes drive, sometimes take the bus. It depends on the schedule, especially with child care. (0)
—The bus. It gives me time to read. (5)
—I bike! You get to smell the seasons, it’s great exercise, and it keeps the mind sharp in so many ways. For instance, just the other day I was... (10)
—I am self-employed and work at home. As a member of the “creative class,” much of my work is what you might call “intellectual labor.” Contact me if you’re interested—I’d love to collaborate on something. Also, is it possible you could give me a ride to the next professional meet-up? My car broke down and I don’t have the money to fix it until I get a couple clients to pay the invoices for the work I did for them last year, and my stuff on Etsy hasn’t been selling that well lately. (20)
2. What is the last thing you bet on?
—I don’t gamble. (-15)
—The Oscars, at my friend’s party. Wait, I put some money into the office pool where we bet in various ways on that big sports event, too. (0)
—I’m always in a celebrity “death pool” with my friends. We each draft a couple celebrities we think are about to die. The first person whose celebrity dies gets the money, and we start over. It sounds bad, but it makes the news more interesting. (10)
—My friends and I bet on which overrated local artists will win which bullshit awards or grants. (Though I would, obviously, accept those awards or grants myself, because who turns down money, right?) (20)
3. What have you set as the home page on your web browser?
—The web-based surveillance software I’m using to track my significant other. (-20)
—Facebook or Twitter. Doesn’t everyone? (-10)
—Google. Doesn’t everyone? (0)
—A good, trustworthy news site. (10)
—All of the computers at the library are set to open to the library’s home page, unless the previous person forgot to log off, in which case it’s porn. (20)
4. What are you watching on tv these days?
—The reality shows that are actually really good and entertaining competitions. Not the bad ones. (-20)
—The good shows. You know, the ones on HBO or Netflix that everyone talks about. Or the ones that aren’t on HBO or Netflix but are HBO- or Netflix-ish. (-10)
—I don’t have cable or satellite and I don’t subscribe to streaming stuff, so I just watch a sit-com now and then, and maybe some sports or a public television show on the weekends. (5)
—I don’t own a television. (10)
—I don’t own a television. I watch stuff on the Internet via, you know…the sites where you can watch stuff for free. You gotta be careful not to click on the wrong thing, though. (-10)
—I break into other people’s houses, smash their televisions, and leave a note on the broken screens that says, “Wake up!” I don’t touch anything else. Judge me if you want, but our society is going to hell and somebody has to at least try to wake everyone up. Wake up! (50)
5. Where do you bank?
—It’s complicated. There came a time when it made more sense to pay someone else to manage my finances for me. (-30)
—Listen, don’t start this stuff. I’m an adult and I work hard. I use a bank that has locations in cities all over the country. It’s convenient and makes sense. (-10)
—It’s complicated. Because of what happened with my accounts at the last bank. There are some forms I still have to fill out or something. Whatever. (0)
—Local credit unions are the only things that make sense. At least that’s what I repeat to myself every time I have to walk a mile to use an ATM. (10)
—By “Where do you bank?” do you mean which bank’s windows did I throw bricks through in the middle of the night last year? (20)
6. What kind of phone do you have?
—I’d rather not say. I might be paid to post something on Instagram about a particular phone soon, so for now my manager says I should just pass on this question. (-100)
—A smart phone. Doesn’t everyone? (-10)
—I don’t have a smart phone, but my cell company is making it almost impossible for me not to switch to one. I just don’t see how people afford that, though. (5)
—Flip, baby! Check it out! (10)
—The fetishization of telephones that has taken over our society is a substitute for actual human communication and disgusts me. (15) But yes, I have a smart phone. (-20)
—I’m free. It’s called a pager. Most people don’t realize you can still get one, but you can. Leave your number and I’ll call you back when I’m done with the conversation or task I’m currently involved in. (20) (And if you’re calling in need, just add “420” to the end of your phone number, and then be at the usual place within thirty minutes. I’ll get there when I get there. Cool, bra?) (30)
7. How do you read books?
—I thought I would read them on the iPad, but then Fruit Ninja pretty much took over my life. (-30)
—My Kindle changed everything. I love it. (-20)
—I got one of those tablet things and used it quite a bit at first, but now, not so much. (-10)
—I’ve pretty much just been using the library for the last...eight years, I guess it’s been now. Wow. Has it really been that long? Hmm. (5)
—I buy actual books. (10) From Amazon. (-10) But more often from actual bookstores. (15)
—With an open and active mind in search of knowledge and experience. (20) But more often finding fairly predictable bourgeois attitudes hidden behind a veneer of false “literariness” that I despise. (30) And which I will expose and challenge in my next book! (50) Of poems! (100)
8. Finally, how do you buy music?
—Information wants to be free. Music files are information. So I get it for free. Don’t pretend you don’t do it, too. (-20)
—Come on. We all pretty much subscribe to a streaming service of some kind now, right? It just makes sense. (-10)
—I’m kind of just listening to the music I already own. New stuff isn’t really in my budget right now. (0)
—I still buy compact discs. (10) Usually on impulse. (0) At Starbuck’s. (-20)
—Vinyl is really fun, in all sorts of ways, and there’s just a certain experience there, a different quality to the sound. You realize that when they digitize music, they’re actually removing some of the sound, right? Look, let me draw you a quick sketch of a sound wave. What they do is... (10)
—I prefer to make my own music. (20) In a band. (30) The band is my spouse and our kids! (35?) We play at church! (-50) No, seriously, I’m in a band that has been recording and touring for a couple decades. (40) We’re called Creed. (-40) Sorry, bad joke. I’m a professional musician and I try to be creative and authentic within an industry undergoing perpetual convulsions. (50?) My band’s name is Coldplay. (-100) Sorry, another joke. I need to stop making that one. Actually, no, I can make that joke as much as I want. I’m in Radiohead. (80)
Negative points: You are neither bohemian nor going through tough times. Enjoy. (But keep it to yourself.)
0-75: Times are tough. The government says things are getting better, though. Keep hustlin’!
76-110: You are possibly a bit bohemian, but more likely live in particular areas of Brooklyn, Portland, San Francisco, Austin, or Boulder, and are just a product of your environment. Keep on ridin’!
111-199: You are bohemian. Let’s trade tips on how to turn our compost into bio-fuel and gossip about how the co-op is totally not what it used to be.
200 or more: You are Charles Baudelaire.
Propeller quizzes are not intended as a subtitute for authentic introspection. Readers should seek accurate sociopolitical definitions of terms before claiming particular lifestyles.